I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
