i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
