went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
