you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Randomize
