gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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