I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
