Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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