i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
