His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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