Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
