I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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