Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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