we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My cat gives me a boner
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
