I accidentally burped into my bong.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
