Little spoons don't ask big questions
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
