I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
