lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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