One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
