Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
