i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
