Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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