Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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