Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
