A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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