I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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