Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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