I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
