I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
