i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
