I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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