It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
