so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
