how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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