Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
