I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
