so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
