erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
