I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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