New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
