There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
