but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
