I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
