I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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