8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
