You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
