If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
