just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my poor anus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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