Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
