Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
