Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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