I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
