Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I bet he comes in French.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
