absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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