there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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