bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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