so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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