Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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