Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
