come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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