I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
