Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
