you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much rum. So many feels.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize