I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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