So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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