My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
