my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
