Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
