I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
