Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
