Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
